The below is what the maker of this peice of shit film posted on his whatever account, in defense of his film. Probably the biggest swing and miss of an attempt at an analogy I've seen in forever. He sounds like a fucking tool bag. With the budget he obviously had to play with, he outta be ashamed of himself he couldnt pull off anything noteworthy.
With my first big-screen movie CREATURE coming to DVD this week (via ARC Entertainment), I thought it might be a good idea to release this. It’s probably not a good idea, but whatever—sometimes you gotta take a risk. Bold and fearless director Fred Andrews had his own theatrical debut with CREATURE last September 9, to mostly scathing reviews and record-breaking poor box-office. It was essentially a failed marketing experiment that, in my opinion, led to an unfair judgment of a film that was simply supposed to be taken at face value: a fun throwback to the innocent creature-feature films of the past (think RAWHEAD REX meets SWAMP THING).
The movie was misunderstood, much like its monster. Or maybe people just didn’t like it. That’s fair. Anyway, here’s something I was inspired to write, but didn’t unveil at the time the movie was being slowly disembowled with a rusty chainsaw. I hope I don’t sound defensive—that’s not really the point of the piece. I also fully respect critical and public opinion, and am in no way bashing their reviews of CREATURE. Ultimately, this is a subjective business, and to each his own. The point here is to put the film in a different context before you decide whether you love it or hate it. Hope you enjoy.
What can you say about a movie like CREATURE? I guess you can say it’s a “swampy mess.” Or you can call it a “trashy thrill ride.” Then again, you can even go bold and flatly call it “the worst movie ever made.” Personally, I would keep it simple: It’s an awesome time, and Oscar was the best part… Whatever—opinions are opinions, and ultimately, you can’t tell somebody what to think. I’m not here to defend the movie; as the legendary Sid Sheinberg says, “If you hate it, you hate it,” but chances are you haven’t actually seen it. Having acted in it, seen it and read most of the reviews (actors reading reviews are like guys who masturbate—99 percent of them do it, the other one percent are lying), I am very aware of the public opinion.
Yeah, I’m in the movie, so of course I couldn’t be more biased. If I tell you to see CREATURE because it’s actually a really good movie, you’re going to take that with a lot of scepticism. At this point, that would feel like Gordon Gekko telling you to buy a stock because he thinks it has strong fundamentals. I do support and believe in Fred, the man behind CREATURE. He put a lot of work into it; everyone put a lot of work into it. Not only into making it, but into going against any current Hollywood business model and getting such a small, non-studio-backed movie into 1500-plus theaters (that just doesn’t happen).
For me, CREATURE wasn’t about getting in, making a quick buck and getting out so I could exist through the summer without taking a job as a waiter. I’m proud of the film. I had a lot of fun making it, and the team behind it gave me my first role on the big screen—something not to be taken lightly. Not only that, but because I’m in the film and was there for its creation, I recognize its flaws more than any audience member or critic could even hope to point out if they watched it 100 times on their mom’s flatscreen. But that’s all part of the fun. That’s the whole point of a movie like this: You’re not supposed to watch it with an overly critical eye. Like my dad, who the other day said to me, “I didn’t get why Randy’s head got ripped off. He didn’t seem like that kind of a creature.” I mean, when you’re talking about a half-man, half-alligator swamp monster lurking in the depths of the Louisiana bayou, being worshipped by the locals (led by Sid Haig) as a god—is it right to question whether or not that monster would rip off somebody’s head?
Maybe that’s the issue: We all think we’re smarter than our entertainment. We choose to not be entertained unless everything we see on camera makes perfect logical sense. It’s like that jerk (sorry, Dad…) who watches KING KONG and, rather than questioning the existence of a 100-foot gorilla, snobbishly scoffs and says, “Psshh, as if King Kong could survive being shot by all those bullets. The injury to the main artery in his thigh would have caused him to bleed out long before he climbed the Empire State Building to fight off those airplanes.”
Here’s an analogy for you, the way I see what’s happened with CREATURE. I’m a guy, so it’s going to be a “guy-nalogy,” but the same will apply the other way with girls. Here we go:
CREATURE is a hot chick. At first glance, this gal has a great bod, she’s bleach-blonde and she laughs at all your dumb jokes. She’s not the brightest bulb in the socket, but who the hell are you, pal? Anyway, it’s kind of endearing, so get over yourself. No, you can’t talk philosophy with her, but she’s cool and real. She doesn’t care what other girls think about her. She’s broke, but she owns it. She can’t afford the expensive clothes from Banana Republic that imitate the style of the ’60s; her clothes are actually from the ’60s. They’re the real thing, and even though they look a bit budget, there’s something charming and sexy about them. She’s sincere, she’s a lot of fun, she takes your mind off of work for a while and she only wants to show you a good time. This awesome, cool, down-to-earth girl also wants to have great sex with you, no strings attached!
The problem is that before you met her, some of your lame buddies warned you that she’s known for her big forehead and annoying laugh. So now when you or anybody who’s heard this hooks up with her, they automatically think, “Her laugh drove me crazy, and all I could focus on was her massive forehead! You know what else—her ass is huge!” (when it’s really not that big). What you totally failed to do was enjoy the sex, thank your lucky stars that a woman out there just wants you to have a good time and accept her “flaws” as part of what makes her so f**king sexy. What you should’ve done is grabbed that big ass, puckered up and kissed that weird-looking head, gave it your all in the sack, enjoyed the candy and popcorn she wanted you to eat while you were at it and gone back to your cubicle the next morning with a smile on your face and a great new story to tell your friends.
Don’t be one of those jaded cynics always looking for what’s negative in life, art and entertainment. Don’t overthink everything. Let yourself relax and have some fun. Get your buddies and some awesome girls together, have a beer or six, smoke a joint (if it’s prescribed and legal, of course) and go check out some full-frontal nudity, lesbianism, creepy incest, Sid Haig at his best, cool gory kills and a man in a rubber alligator suit named “Lockjaw.” If you hate CREATURE, fine—hate it on your own terms. Have your opinion. But don’t be that chump who goes in there looking for flaws. Sometimes when you get your head out of your ass long enough to enjoy the fun in life, you just might find that the chick with the huge forehead was the best sex you’ve ever had