Quote of the Day

[traumamama]

OK. So a guy commits suicide. And he goes to heaven, he gets to heaven.

And God greets him there, and the guy said, “I’m so surprised I’m here. First of all, I thought there was no God. Second of all, I thought if you killed yourself, you know, you were damned forever.”

God said, “You know, that’s a complicated issue. Everybody at least thinks about ending it, you know, killing themselves at some point. Even I’ve thought of it.”

“Well,” replied the man. “Can I ask, why didn’t you do it?”

And God said, “What if this is all there is?”

~Stephen Colbert

[GiveMeGore]

"Wow, Jesus just fucked TimTebow bad! And on Xmas Eve! Somewhere in hell Satan is tebowing, saying to Hitler "Hey, Buffalo's killing them"  ~Bill Maher via his twitter account. Fucking awesome.

[Splatterscribe]

"Don't listen to him. You've likely been given the advice that he'll mix lies and truth to fuck with you, the trick is to pay no attention to either. There's always the chance that your mother does suck cocks in hell, but there's not really a lot you can do about it, is there? Have a cup of tea and nod thoughtfully at each of his points, and then counter with a quote from a popular cartoon or anime series."

- entry from a  Cracked .com article , describing  how best to defeat the demon Pazuzu from The Exorcist

[GiveMeGore]

Anyone watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force? I used to..... fell off for a while, but I watched an episode on-demand yesterday called "Bible Fruit". They're only 15 minutes long. Might have been the funniest 10 minutes of animation I've ever seen. So...a Banana husband (alcoholic) and his orange wife are fighting:

"Get out of my way you orange WHORE! You want to have sex with the Fries don't you? You sorry sack of Tangerine bitch!"

If you have 12 minutes to kill and are wearing pants you don't mind peeing on. Please watch.

[WL Paynecraft]

Used to watch a lot of it.  I still watch Adult Swim every chance I get.

[GiveMeGore]

Used to watch a lot of it.  I still watch Adult Swim every chance I get.

dude, there's some fucked up stuff on there. Ever seen Boondocks? They drop N bombs and shit. Crazy.

but ATHF, I used to watch almost soley based on the character Carl. One of the all time greatest animated characters. But you gotta catch the Bible Fruit episode, man....   ever see a live Banana tearing apart a house looking for cocaine? "Booger sugar.....I just want it on my mouth. I am not leaving until Cocaine is in my system!"    his buddy (a Kiwi I believe) pours Frylocks bottle of Rum down the drain. The Banana is trying to open the pipes under neath the sink to get the booze  "stupid Banana hands....someone open this pipe or else I will shoot myself dead tonight, I swear!"

[GiveMeGore]

"They're worshipping this guy like he's some kind of Jiggaboo Jesus"

Andy Dick.....Division 3. Plays a racist, lunatic of a college football coach. Priceless. Rent it on-demand. Some brilliant stuff here.

[GiveMeGore]

"Christmas Ham, niggas!"

again, Division 3. One of the most random things I've seen in forever. Black cheerleader (lady from MadTV) after a game winning touchdown, right before they cut frame to the next scene, she just looks up at the crowd "Christmas Ham niggas!"   cut. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

[GiveMeGore]

"Your mothers pussy is so fucking tight, no way she had baby, no way.......you adopted"

~Russian (I believe) hockey team mate, Goon. One of the best delivered jokes in a foreign accent I've heard in a long time. Had to rewind that part several times.

[GiveMeGore]

"the last summer of his life, not a powder nor a pill did he touch. Nothing. Just smoked a little bud, that was it. And wine and beer and food, you know. If he'd been a pot head he'd be alive today. ‘Cause that doesn't kill ya."

~Dan Aykroyd on Belushi. Today is the 30th annivesary of his death.

[Splatterscribe]

"At a guess, I'd say your testosterone level is just below "Bieber"."

- -Dr.House, to a patient whose career giving seminars showing men how to get in touch with their feminine side is revealed to be an outgrowth of  his testosterone deficiency, House M.D.

[GiveMeGore]

"If you spent as much time reading books as you did chasing skanks around........you wouldn't have aids"  ~Anthony Jeselnik to one of the Jersey Shore meatheads, during the Roast of Donald Trump. Had me rollin'....

[traumamama]

"If you spent as much time reading books as you did chasing skanks around........you wouldn't have aids"  ~Anthony Jeselnik to one of the Jersey Shore meatheads, during the Roast of Donald Trump. Had me rollin'....

Anthony Jeselnik is hilarious.  He's probably the most un-PC stand-up working today.  He's great on roasts, it's amazing how much he can shock people when the roasts are supposed to be shocking already.  Example, from the Charlie Sheen roast:

”The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.”

[GiveMeGore]

"If you spent as much time reading books as you did chasing skanks around........you wouldn't have aids"  ~Anthony Jeselnik to one of the Jersey Shore meatheads, during the Roast of Donald Trump. Had me rollin'....

Anthony Jeselnik is hilarious.  He's probably the most un-PC stand-up working today.  He's great on roasts, it's amazing how much he can shock people when the roasts are supposed to be shocking already.  Example, from the Charlie Sheen roast:

”The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.”

He's pretty fucked up. He's a unique comic in the sense that......if you look at him.....the last thing you'd think of is someone that twisted. He's definitely original in his morbid, miserable, brand of comedy. I dig it.

[Splatterscribe]

“Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever fucking imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on.”
― Lewis Black