Non-horror bitch session

[Splatterscribe]

and two she put me down as female, and she copied all this info from my old license so i have no idea how she made that mistake.

So does this mean we get to refer to you as Gorifina now? Do you prefer Miz , Miss , Misses or Ma'am? 

[WL Paynecraft]

Gorifina Mendoza.  That's either a really cool alias that movie stars use for hotel stays or a cool metal band.

[traumamama]

So my company is helping to book a cruise for another company.  This woman from my company was in charge of booking 50 rooms, scheduling the payments, and then collecting payments in installments from all the people from the other company who were going on the cruise.  A few weeks ago she said she was too busy to keep taking calls from people about this cruise, so she asked me to start helping take people's payment info and answer any general questions about the cruise.  A woman called with a question about upgrading her cabin.  I didn't know anything about it so I asked my coworker what to do.  She said she needed to call Carnival to get that info, but she was super busy.  I offered to call for her.

I had zero info on the trip, and my coworker said she had lost the e-mail with our booking info, and didn't know anything but the dates.  I talked to several people at Carnival, and spent a total of 2.5 hours on hold listening to Carnival "Fun Facts!" and could not get any information without a booking number.  Finally I went back and asked if she had any possible info that could help me.  Then she handed me a contract with our booker's phone number, and the booking number.  So I literally wasted over three hours of my busy day because she was too lazy to look through her folders for literally all the information I needed.

Then when I finally talk to someone, they don't want to give me any information because apparently my coworker misspelled our company's name and got the phone number wrong, so they didn't want to give me any info.  Literally, at one point she asked me what company I was with.  I said, "Performance Strategies."  This woman said, "That's not what I have here, I'm sorry, you'll have to call..."  I stopped her when I looked at the sheet a little closer.  "Could it be under PerFROmance Strategies?"  We have a winner.

Then, after all this, just to ask a question about upgrading a room, the woman tells us that our 50 room reservation was cancelled back on December 12th because they didn't receive our deposit.  Our reservation was cancelled two months ago, and I'm the first one to figure it out.  Then I go outside to smoke and get on my Twitter for a second, and I see that my coworker, who is so super busy, has updated her Twitter 10 times today.  So glad I could help free up her schedule.

[Marshal Earp]

So my company is helping to book a cruise for another company.  This woman from my company was in charge of booking 50 rooms, scheduling the payments, and then collecting payments in installments from all the people from the other company who were going on the cruise.  A few weeks ago she said she was too busy to keep taking calls from people about this cruise, so she asked me to start helping take people's payment info and answer any general questions about the cruise.  A woman called with a question about upgrading her cabin.  I didn't know anything about it so I asked my coworker what to do.  She said she needed to call Carnival to get that info, but she was super busy.  I offered to call for her.

I had zero info on the trip, and my coworker said she had lost the e-mail with our booking info, and didn't know anything but the dates.  I talked to several people at Carnival, and spent a total of 2.5 hours on hold listening to Carnival "Fun Facts!" and could not get any information without a booking number.  Finally I went back and asked if she had any possible info that could help me.  Then she handed me a contract with our booker's phone number, and the booking number.  So I literally wasted over three hours of my busy day because she was too lazy to look through her folders for literally all the information I needed.

Then when I finally talk to someone, they don't want to give me any information because apparently my coworker misspelled our company's name and got the phone number wrong, so they didn't want to give me any info.  Literally, at one point she asked me what company I was with.  I said, "Performance Strategies."  This woman said, "That's not what I have here, I'm sorry, you'll have to call..."  I stopped her when I looked at the sheet a little closer.  "Could it be under PerFROmance Strategies?"  We have a winner.

Then, after all this, just to ask a question about upgrading a room, the woman tells us that our 50 room reservation was cancelled back on December 12th because they didn't receive our deposit.  Our reservation was cancelled two months ago, and I'm the first one to figure it out.  Then I go outside to smoke and get on my Twitter for a second, and I see that my coworker, who is so super busy, has updated her Twitter 10 times today.  So glad I could help free up her schedule.

There's only one thing for you to do. Punch her in the face.

[Splatterscribe]

So my company is helping to book a cruise for another company.  This woman from my company was in charge of booking 50 rooms, scheduling the payments, and then collecting payments in installments from all the people from the other company who were going on the cruise.  A few weeks ago she said she was too busy to keep taking calls from people about this cruise, so she asked me to start helping take people's payment info and answer any general questions about the cruise.  A woman called with a question about upgrading her cabin.  I didn't know anything about it so I asked my coworker what to do.  She said she needed to call Carnival to get that info, but she was super busy.  I offered to call for her.

I had zero info on the trip, and my coworker said she had lost the e-mail with our booking info, and didn't know anything but the dates.  I talked to several people at Carnival, and spent a total of 2.5 hours on hold listening to Carnival "Fun Facts!" and could not get any information without a booking number.  Finally I went back and asked if she had any possible info that could help me.  Then she handed me a contract with our booker's phone number, and the booking number.  So I literally wasted over three hours of my busy day because she was too lazy to look through her folders for literally all the information I needed.

Then when I finally talk to someone, they don't want to give me any information because apparently my coworker misspelled our company's name and got the phone number wrong, so they didn't want to give me any info.  Literally, at one point she asked me what company I was with.  I said, "Performance Strategies."  This woman said, "That's not what I have here, I'm sorry, you'll have to call..."  I stopped her when I looked at the sheet a little closer.  "Could it be under PerFROmance Strategies?"  We have a winner.

Then, after all this, just to ask a question about upgrading a room, the woman tells us that our 50 room reservation was cancelled back on December 12th because they didn't receive our deposit.  Our reservation was cancelled two months ago, and I'm the first one to figure it out.  Then I go outside to smoke and get on my Twitter for a second, and I see that my coworker, who is so super busy, has updated her Twitter 10 times today.  So glad I could help free up her schedule.

Okay, so here's what you do:

Purchase some ether , a rag,smelling salts,  latex gloves, a box cutter, a black bodysuit with a full head mask, a paper mask to filter the ether fumes, twenty feet of  rope, a pair of handcuffs, a thick foam exercise mat, a vocoder and rent both a nondescript vehicle and an empty space in a location only you know about , preferably an abandoned warehouse somewhere on the outskirts of town. Whatever you do, don't use your real name when signing either rental agreement.

Wait until a  time when neither you nor your co-worker are on shift and-dressed in the bodysuit and head mask - subdue her using the rag soaked in ether while wearing the latex gloves and the paper mask beneath the head mask.  When she slides into unconsciousness, place her limp body in the trunk of the nondescript car and drive to the warehouse.  Drag her inside, place her on a chair and cut the rope into two equal ten foot strips. Bind her to the chair around the waist with one strip and bind her feet with the other, making sure to loop around and tie them to the chair as well.Then use the handcuffs to lock her wrists to the chair behind her. No need to tape her mouth shut...you're out in the middle of nowhere , so don't worry about her screaming when she wakes up. Besides, the screams make it more fun.
 
Place the foam exercise mat on the floor about two feet in front of her and then open the smelling salts and bring her around.Using the vocoder,  explain to her as she gains consciousness that she is about to receive a lesson about not wasting other people's time by being a lazy, disorganized ,clueless fucktard ..a lesson which will leave a lasting impression anyway you slice it. Remove her cell phone from her purse/pants pocket, go to the media function and sign on to her Twitter account.

Walk around to the back of the chair and push her forward so that she topples head first to the ground, her cranium protected from any fractures by the foam mat you've placed there. Take out the box cutter and cut open the bottom of her pants/pantyhose/blouse . At this point her buttocks should be exposed . Now type onto her Twitter page "Help me, I'm tied to a chair at (type the address of the warehouse here) with my cell phone shoved up my ass due to my poor preformance. Not a joke." Press send. Then shove the phone right up her ass.

Go get in the nondescript car, drive to a desolate spot and burn the suit, the bottle of ether, the rag the gloves the paper mask..everything. . Return the car and call the owners of the warehouse to cancel the lease from a remote line not in your name.

That ought to do it.

[GiveMeGore]

Splatt.......when they find that family of 7 buried under your security station at work..... they're going to check your computer.....see the above post and boom....there's the final piece of the puzzle. Color by numbers detective work bro....you're making it easy for em 

[GiveMeGore]

Traum...... does this lady have a significant impact on your career there? No? Good........confront her in a private location..... show her the twitter posts, explain to her how long you spent on the phone.....   ask if she had a running tape recorder on her......  she says "No"? Tell her if she ever pulls some shit like that again, there will be two hits......  your foot hitting her cunt and her face hitting the table on her way to the canvas.

[Splatterscribe]

Splatt.......when they find that family of 7 buried under your security station at work..... they're going to check your computer.....see the above post and boom....there's the final piece of the puzzle. Color by numbers detective work bro....you're making it easy for em 

I'll just have a buddy of mine reprogram the IP address so that it actually shows as having come from the president of the POA's computer. Besides, if I ever do get caught, I'll just refuse to tell them where my surviving priso- er- guests are unless I get a deal.

[GeneralCinema]

Splatt...you are one twisted individual.

Gore and Earp...That's assault.

Traum, personally, I'd go to her supervisor.  The chain of command is there for a reason.  Explain the bit about the cancelled reservation and the fact that the deposit wasn't received.  That should do it.

[GiveMeGore]

Got a bit of a work issue myself. Almost a month ago now I was approached by my superiors about an opportunity to work over in our Britol, England office for a few months. Told em I was all for it. Sign me up. So they linked me up with the cat over in the UK....had a little phone interview.....went well..... was told they'd let me know EITHER way by Friday (this was Tuesday Jan 18th). Friday went.....no word.....next week went.....no word.....  now mind you, it's completely out of the hands of MY superiors here in Boston....they have nothing to do with the project, they just gave my name to the person in England who was reaching out for assistance on this project. So finally on the 3rd week I said FUCK IT....obviously they're not interested in my services, oh well....Put it out of mind. I even emailed the guy myself directly asking for an update...... an entire week goes by....NO REPLY.

2 days ago....I have my bosses, bosses, bosses, BOSS come up to my desk and ask me if I'm ready to go to England. As in....am I ready NOW. "Ahhhhhhhh ummmmmmmmm"    was clueless as to what to say. So I literally had to make a decision within an hour on what country I was going to reside for the next 4-6 months. I ultimtely decided to stay here......   but seriously. Where's the fucking consideration? I understand these things take time to figure out all the details, but come on.....don't keep me in the dark for 3 fucking weeks. It's not like I'm waiting to hear back about the percentage of my annual raise......no asshole, I'm waiting on your word so I can get simple little details panned out like "what currency will I be getting compensated in, where will I be living, am I getting a vehicle, am I getting a corporate card, are you paying for my current expenses here in the states while I'm gone...... etc etc etc. You know, just the little details.

Anyways......rant over. I'm staying put for now.

[WL Paynecraft]

Man, both of your stories are pretty ridiculous.  I'm working in a great place nowadays (mandatory disclaimer  )but I've found that your average office worker is pretty much incompetent, lazy, and disrespectful.  Oh, and totally self-centered.  I've had to deal with pulling other people's weight on many occasions and for many reasons.  My favorite one is so they can go pick up their kids from soccer practice.  That happened about once a week at a former place of residence.  Lucky I don't have kids, right? I got your back.  I wonder what people would say if I left a project early so I could go play video games.  What's the difference? The Mrs. had a boss that was a certified power-trippin' whore, totally out to belittle people to the point of crying (this actually happened to another co-worker).  What kind of soulless fuck gets off on treating people like this? By the way, not picking on women, guys are jackholes too.

Trauma, I feel for you.  My sinking suspicion is that your incompetent co-worker is a problem that won't go away.  She'll take credit for your work (if she's not already), and if she finds out you have a problem with her, she will work harder than she ever worked before just to exact some petty vengeance on you.  Incidentally, she's also the type of person that won't let you in her lane on the highway.  They're one and the same person.  She may never get hers either, discouraging but true.

GMG, I feel for you as well.  I suspect your HR has something to do with this.  By far the least urgent department of an organization, on average, especially with the job transfer/relocation bullshit.  My brother has been tormented for literally months on a potential position that requires relocation.  These are people's fucking lives man.  I understand decisions take time, but how about a little follow up. 

Ok, I'm done too.  Both of these situations have happened to me in one form or another, so I'm particularly sensitive.     

[traumamama]

You guys are the best.

I got our reservation back, AND got it for a cheaper rate than she did.  Wrote my boss an e-mail giving him the details matter-of-factly.  Co-worker was out sick today, I guess.  Hope she feels better!

[gorific89]

Alright fixed my sex change. DMVs are bullshit. fucking 4 hours of waiting for my number to be called a second time.

Damn that is some grade F bullshit trauma and GMG. In the future i wanted to transfer to a diff cheese plant in Cali but man not looking forward to that bullshit mess. then again I'm sure england is waaaay more of a live desision than cali. medicinal bud all i gotta say.

[Splatterscribe]

Fuck Valentine's Day.

When will we finally get some fucking sense, smarten up, sort our collective shit out as a culture and eradicate this half baked, delusional, soulless, superficial, annoying, desperate, cheap, commercially driven shitbox excuse for a holiday from our lives?

It's bullshit, man. And no, this has nothing to do with my relationship status..when I was still married ten years ago, I hated the fucking day. You know why I gave my ex- wife (or, going back to years prior, any long term girlfriend I've ever had)  something on Valentine's Day? Because our culture blackmailed me into it.

Don't get me wrong, I've cared very much for each and every woman I have ever been with. But I also bothered to demonstrate that affection on a regular basis. I don't act like a dismissive, abusive, nonchalant douche 364 days of the year and try to rationalize staying with someone with whom I have no chemistry or connection by engaging in some grotesquely garish grandiose annual gesture (alliteration..fuck yeah). The very idea sickens me and offends my sensibilities concerning what love is about. So when I did something specifically related to Valentines, it was so whoever I was with at the time didn't have to be "that girl whose guy didn't do anything for her". It goes without saying that I had feelings and felt something for her, but I didn't need some fucking Hallmark Horror to inspire me to let her know.

Now there are those out there who are happily married and so, for them, the day may actually mean something. Props to all of you who fall into this limited category. I know for a fact that our very own GC loves his wife with everything he's got, so if he does something on Valentine's, I do believe he means it. Ditto anything that happens between Badkitty and her oft-referenced "mister". I'm certain BQueen fits into this group as well.

But the cold water is that this just isn't the case with most couples I've encountered in my lifetime. Holy fucking Jehosophat, man, I swear my divorce was filled with more love and mutual respect than some of these ongoing travesties. . Generally, they're people who are together just so they don't have to be alone. They have no common interests, no mutual respect and when they're not satisfying their physical needs they basically fight  and find new and creative ways to piss off and emotionally damage one another. The fact that half the marriages in this country end in divorce after the first year or so backs me up. Lust and social standing have replaced love as the primary motivator for why people remain together in our society and bullshit like Valentine's day is the reason why- we've managed to convince ourselves  that anyone who doesn't have someone special on February 14th must have something wrong with them and is to be pitied. Fuck that noise.

What a load of tripe. Fuck Cupid. Fuck him right up his sorry winged ass. If I see the floating fat fuck anywhere near my neighborhood, I'm going to beat his ass to the ground with a baseball bat, empty a full can of RAID  on him as he lies there bleeding profusely and then stick his quiver of arrows right where the sun don't shine. Then I'm going to take his corpse and launch it into my neighbors front lawn at the exact moment he''s serenading his wife while dressed as a heart.

The only good thing that ever came out of this holiday is either version of the horror flick My Bloody Valentine. Oh, and the fact that the abbreviation of the name is, appropriately enough, VD -which I'm betting is the most common "unspoken of" gift people give one another before morning dawns on the 15th.

So, once more for the cheap seats: Fuck Valentine's Day.  I'm off to watch a miner pickaxe some people.

[GiveMeGore]

So, once more for the cheap seats: Fuck Valentine's Day.  I'm off to watch a miner pickaxe some people.

I'm off to the bars in hopes to catch some drunken, miserable, desperate, possibly a divorcee, on this date to pounce on any young, tall, and handsome Greek SOB that has 6 bucks in his pocket to buy you another Merlot