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 A
tourist is given a mysterious magic game called "Mamba"
that was created during the Spanish Inquisition. The winner of
the game will have a wish granted, and the losers will all die
horribly.
This
flick has some of the most unlikable characters I've encountered
in my life, I spent the first thirty minutes of this film looking
forward to seeing some of them die later on. Of course the lovely
Eliza Dushku was the exception. Once the group broke out the game
and started rolling dice and moving little wooden miniatures I
felt myself getting interested. I'm an OG nerd, started with first
edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons and my addictions
have only grown, so a movie about a game does appeal to me. Although
I am reasonably sure the modern boardgame with it's rolling dice,
moving pieces, then picking cards, wasn't really an idea during
the Dark Ages, but if I can believe in ghosts and all manner of
beasties, I can believe in ancient Hasbro.
The
deaths all fall somewhere between cringe-worthy and damn nasty.
Seriously, this is one vicious game. It seems like more and more
horror movies are really taking advantage of the freedom of an
"R" rating.
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Something
unspeakable has come home.
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 Andy
Brooks is killed in Vietnam. Back home, his parents are informed
of his death, but his mother can't accept it, sitting awake at
night praying and repeating over and over that he promised to
come home and can't die. Later that night Andy does arrive home,
but something is horribly different. Despite Andy's strange behavior,
and the concerns of his father and sister, Andy's mother refuses
to acknowledge that anything has changed. But Andy is dead, and
others soon start to turn up horribly mutilated. (Andy died for
them, after all, why shouldn't they return the favor?)
Originally
titled Dead of Night (and released under about six other
names as well), this film is something of a classic, and with
good reason. Directed by Bob Clark and written by Alan Ormsby
(the team that brought you Children
Shouldn't Play with Dead Things, Deranged, Popcorn
and, um Porky's II), and featuring Tom Savini's makeup
debut, this is an absolutely terrific movie, nevermind horror
movie.
Something
on the box described this as a version of The Monkey's Paw,
which I guess is correct, if by that they mean reversing the ending
and taking that as a new starting point.
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The
first kiss is the deepest.
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 Frat
boys Keith and A.J. have volunteered themselves to find erotic
entertainment for a big party that’s going to happen tonight.
Needing someone with some money and a ride the two get their buddy
Duncan to tag along with them to help score some ladies of the
evening. Heading to The After Dark Club, our trio of friends hope
to score some tail, but they may have bitten off more than they
can chew, because the ladies at The After Dark Club will definitely
be looking to take a bite... out of them.
Want to know how to make a great 80’s cheese cake vampire
movie? Here are some of the ingredients you will need: Lots of
day glow color schemes, Long Duck Dong from Sixteen Candles,
Rudy from Meatballs, Dedee Pfeiffer, Michelle’s lesser
known sister, An albino biker played by Billy Drago and finally,
throw in the uber funky Grace Jones as the evil Katrina. Take
all of that mix it together throw in some titties and blood and
you have Vamp, the movie that proved once and for all just
how useless Formica was against the undead.
If National Lampoon ever made a vampire flick I’m guessing
Vamp would be it. This is a basic 80’s college comedy
with a few vampires thrown in for good measure.
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Even
nice people can go to hell.
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 Pity
poor Christine Brown (Alison Lohman). All she wants to do is earn
the Assistant Bank Manager job she’s worked so hard for and
settle into a life of domestic bliss with her loving and good
natured fiancee, psychiatrist Clay Dolton (Justin Long).
Unfortunately
, a couple of things stand in her way. One is that her new, ass
kissing co-worker has commanded the attention of her employer
Mr. Jacks (David Paymer). Also, Clay’s parents -old school
elitists from the word go- are not so willing to greet this former
farm girl with open arms. Oh and did I mention that Christine
has pissed off an evil gypsy woman (Lorna Raver) and is facing
the possibility of literally being pulled into the bowels of Hell?
That’s
right horror fans, sit back, strap yourselves in and prepare to
be taken for one hell of a wild ride, because Sam “groovy”
Raimi has returned to the genre which made him a star with this
latest terror offering, the deliciously diabolical and furiously
funny bone cracker Drag Me to Hell.
When
elderly gypsy Sylvia Ganush appears at the bank where Christine
works, all she wants is an extension on her loan so that she doesn’t
have to lose her home. Christine, who handles the loan department,
could grant the extension, but if she doesn’t- her boss informs
her- the bank will turn a profit on repossessing the Ganush house.
This, he informs her, is one of those tough decisions which employees
need to learn to make in order to become Assistant Bank Managers.
Take a wild guess what choice Christine makes?
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N
e w e s t . P o s t s .
i n . t h e .
F o r u m s
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 First,
a warning: If you really dislike Jane Austin, you will probably
not love this book. That is because this revision of Pride
and Prejudice is not really a rewriting of the original; it
pretty much stays the same, but with zombies added. It is still
about 85% Jane Austin, and 15% zombies. The zombie fighting and
carnage are actually quite good, but you do feel, during some
of the longer passages where people just socialize, that the second
author is throwing in the odd zombie reference as an empty gesture,
and you start wishing for some proper gore and carnage. God help
me ensure that my high school English lit teacher never finds
out I said that, but it is true. Anyhow, I am not sure the zombie
action is sufficient to make up for a loathing of Regency-period
comedies of manners.
On the other hand, if you have never read Pride and Prejudice
or Jane Austin, I am really not sure what you will make of the
book. It certainly stands on its own, but I'm not sure it does
so purely as as zombie fiction. If you just want a good zombie
novel, go read World War Z (seriously: go read it right now if
you haven't already), or any of a number of other fine classics.
If, however, you read Pride & Prejudice in high school,
remember it more or less (waspish heroine starts off hating the
rich, arrogant guy she ends up marrying, and various people act
like idiots due to snobbery and misunderstanding), and you didn't
hate it, you will probably get a major kick out of it when zombies
are added. Because, really, what isn't improved by the addition
of some brain-eating savagery by the walking dead? (Zombies are
kind of like salsa in that.)
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 James
Earl Cash was scum. A vicious criminal. After a life of crime
he was given the ultimate sentence and put to death by lethal
injection. The public believed that this vile man got what was
coming to him at the hands of the justice system. Their perception
of reality was far from the truth. In Carcer City, a run-down
wasteland of immorality and crime, everyone is corrupted. The
people who supposedly gave Cash the injection were actually paid
to give him a large sedative. He was dead to the general public,
but some sick opportunist had other plans for him. Our protagonist
wakes up in a cramped room, groggy from the after effects of the
injection, and a gravelly voice is speaking to him over the intercom,
telling him without a hint of remorse that he must now take part
in his ‘games’, stalking and killing murderous gang
members whose duty it is to hunt down and kill him. Cash’s
actions are to be recorded by CCTV and sold as snuff films, so
if he wants to play ball he must dispatch of these scumbags in
the most violent and brutal way possible with whatever he can
find.
This one was banned over here in the UK and due to the reason
for this I felt like a bit of a bastard going out of my way to
find and purchase a copy but hey-ho, age certificates are there
for a reason. Being of the certified age I didn’t see why
I shouldn’t be able to go out and find myself a copy of what
I now consider to be one of the sickest, most brutal, and one
of the best games the PS2 has to offer. I would like to point
out here that there probably should be some kind of mental stability
test that gamers should take before playing this game as I would
definitely not recommend it for anybody who is just a little too
impressionable. This glorious gorefest was created by Rockstar,
the guys who brought you the Grand Theft Auto franchise in case
you didn’t know, so you can expect something totally obscene,
vulgar, incredibly offensive and, if you’re smart enough
to see that it’s just a bit of fun, some of the funniest
dark humour you can get in a game.
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Family
is forever.
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 This
is some kind of strange flick, folks. Picking up mere minutes
after the final moments of hiss 2007 redux of the original Halloween,
Rob Zombie’s Halloween II is a bizarre mixture of
moments that just don’t work combined with sequences which
are nothing short of brilliant.
The
plot: As mentioned above, we pick up with Laurie Strode (Scout
Taylor Compton) stumbling along the boulevard in Haddonfield,
Ill. still covered with blood and looking like ..well, she looks
as if she’s survived a homicidal rampage by Michael Myers.
Sherriff Bracken (Brad Dourif, turning in a performance that is
a highlight of the film) catches up with her, takes her to safety
and she’s on the way to the hospital.
Meanwhile,
the seemingly deceased Mr. Myers (Tyler Mane, again making the
role his own) is placed into an ambulance by no fewer than six
deputies and carted off to the morgue, in a van with only two
drivers. I dunno, man. If I’m transporting the six foot nine
inch body of someone who has just spent the evening tearing people
apart and demonstrating a frightening resilience to physical trauma,
I’m thinking that four or five other heavily armed guys should
be on board just as a contingency. But hey, that’s just me.
Anyway, unless they’ve never seen a horror movie, anyone
reading this knows precisely what happens next. Before long that
ambulance has an accident, the driver’s are incapacitated
and Michael wakes up.
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